he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
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