11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
