I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
