Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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