the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize