but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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