the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
