Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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