I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
