i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
