i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
