Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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