I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
