I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
