I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
