Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
