Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
