My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
