I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize