i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When are your genitals available?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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