How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize
