I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
