i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
