Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
