Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?