I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
