The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.