May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."