I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.