Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
