have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
