i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
