Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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