i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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