I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
