champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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