Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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