a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
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I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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