just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
