that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
