You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
