By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your cock deserves a montage
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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