how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just cropdusted the office
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
