whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
