Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
