Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
