ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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