3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
