R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
