I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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