if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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