Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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