It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
