My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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