I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
