Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
