i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
