i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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