i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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