I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
