I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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