So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
