writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
