He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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