Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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