Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize