Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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