apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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