I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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