He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
